Cheese "Pling Plong" and the empty love bucket
I think I may have mentioned a bit about the idea of comfort cooking and comfort eating and how food can often be a way in which we have internalised early life care and nurture. For me and I suspect many others too, it is also a highly symbolic way of demonstrating love to others. If I am honest, I find it far easier to show how much I love someone by offering them something good to eat, than by telling them in words. Therefore anyone who has ever shared a meal in my home, or been eaten food that has been prepared by me, be aware that that is what it meant!
I am conscious that whatever I make is open to criticism and not everyone likes to eat the things I like to make.However, if I am being really honest, it can often feel like rejection, almost as if it is me they are saying that they dislike. I am also aware that when I discover someone shares the same taste in food I do, I feel a real connection. It's mad, but true!
I am sure that most people have early childhood memories attached to food that bring back strong and vivid emotions. For me they are invariably good ( with perhaps the exception of a particularly close encounter with a plate of tripe and onions when I was aged about 6!!! ), but for some of the people with whom I work, early childhood memories attached to food can be painful.
I recall a patient I was working with who was struggling to lose weight.Although she barely ate regular meals she admitted that she often ate ridiculously large amounts of food in secret, late at night after her family had all gone to bed.She had a tendency to hide food from her family, partly because she was ashamed of her behaviour, but also to ensure that her food wasn't eaten by anyone else.In many ways her behaviour mimicked someone who was starving. As we started to talk about her childhood memories of family meal times, it became apparent that as a child her parents used to restrict her diet to such an extent that she was forced to steal food in order to satisfy her hunger.I suspect that she really was starved, both of food but also love and nurture. She had no happy memories around food at all and so as an adult, the only associations she had with eating was fear, guilt and shame and a hunger that never really went away.
I explained to her that what she had developed was leaking love bucket. She looked at me as if I had gone completely mad, but I went on to explain the "Love Bucket" theory to her as a way of helping understand her behaviour. I thought you might be interested too.
In order to develop a good self worth, as children we need to receive sufficient love, nurture and care from those who care for us. It comes in a variety of ways through how we are treated, spoken to, or the attention we are given. Of course food is central to this, as being held and loved whilst we are being fed is one of the earliest experiences most of us have. For most of us, we receive sufficient of the above to fill our "love bucket" or sense of self, which allows us to feel loved and lovable. With a 'full' bucket, we have sufficient capacity from which to draw when we need to care for ourselves. The stronger the messages given in childhood, the stronger the 'bucket' is in being able to hold onto positive messages about ourselves as we grow and develop into adults.
However, imagine a childhood where there is insufficient nurturing provided, or where the messages given are very negative or cruel. The "bucket" might never be filled or might even develop a "leak" to the extent that the child might never have the feeling of being good enough or loved. Moreover, with a "leaky bucket" any positives would be so much harder to hold on to as they just leak away. I wonder of for some people, the need to eat, is the only way they have of trying to fill their 'love buckets'.
Thinking about comfort eating in this way, helps some people understand why they behave in the way they do. For some people, it can help reduce the shame they feel. And, significantly, it offers an opportunity to think of more helpful and healthy ways of being able to 'fill their bucket'.
Thinking back to my own food related childhood memories and one that reminds me in particular of my Father is a recipe he had for Sunday night tea time which you might like to try.It was the worst night of the week as school was the next day, but the best night of the week because we were all together as a family.
I don't know where he got the recipe, or if he made it up himself. This was way before the time Pizza was really eaten in the UK( 1960's). Dad used to disappear into the kitchen for about half an hour and come back with a plate full of CHEESE PLING PLONG on toast which got eaten within minutes.I will give you the ingredients, but as the name suggests, it is very much a case of mixing in what you have according to taste.In those days the shops didn't have exotic things like green peppers or salami, but I am sure had they been in the shops then, Dad would have put them in too.
CHEESE PLING PLONG
100G/ 50Z grated cheese. ( you could even try with a mixture of cheeses)
2 hard boiled eggs chopped up finely
1 onion chopped finely
2 chopped tomatoes
about 1 tablespoon of ketchup ( Dad used to use Brown sauce but tomato will do. However, you might need to add some Worcestershire sauce or even soy sauce if this is the case)
lots of pepper
4 Slices of bread
Combine all the ingredients until they form a thick but spreadable paste. Toast one side of the bread. On the untoasted side, spread the pling plong and then grill until the cheese bubbles and the onions start to caramelise. Simple, delicious and so much easier than going to order a pizza! I like to eat mine slightly well done( some people would say burnt) and it is equally good eaten cold, as a filling in Jacket potatoes, the list is endless.
I am conscious that whatever I make is open to criticism and not everyone likes to eat the things I like to make.However, if I am being really honest, it can often feel like rejection, almost as if it is me they are saying that they dislike. I am also aware that when I discover someone shares the same taste in food I do, I feel a real connection. It's mad, but true!
I am sure that most people have early childhood memories attached to food that bring back strong and vivid emotions. For me they are invariably good ( with perhaps the exception of a particularly close encounter with a plate of tripe and onions when I was aged about 6!!! ), but for some of the people with whom I work, early childhood memories attached to food can be painful.
I recall a patient I was working with who was struggling to lose weight.Although she barely ate regular meals she admitted that she often ate ridiculously large amounts of food in secret, late at night after her family had all gone to bed.She had a tendency to hide food from her family, partly because she was ashamed of her behaviour, but also to ensure that her food wasn't eaten by anyone else.In many ways her behaviour mimicked someone who was starving. As we started to talk about her childhood memories of family meal times, it became apparent that as a child her parents used to restrict her diet to such an extent that she was forced to steal food in order to satisfy her hunger.I suspect that she really was starved, both of food but also love and nurture. She had no happy memories around food at all and so as an adult, the only associations she had with eating was fear, guilt and shame and a hunger that never really went away.
I explained to her that what she had developed was leaking love bucket. She looked at me as if I had gone completely mad, but I went on to explain the "Love Bucket" theory to her as a way of helping understand her behaviour. I thought you might be interested too.
In order to develop a good self worth, as children we need to receive sufficient love, nurture and care from those who care for us. It comes in a variety of ways through how we are treated, spoken to, or the attention we are given. Of course food is central to this, as being held and loved whilst we are being fed is one of the earliest experiences most of us have. For most of us, we receive sufficient of the above to fill our "love bucket" or sense of self, which allows us to feel loved and lovable. With a 'full' bucket, we have sufficient capacity from which to draw when we need to care for ourselves. The stronger the messages given in childhood, the stronger the 'bucket' is in being able to hold onto positive messages about ourselves as we grow and develop into adults.
However, imagine a childhood where there is insufficient nurturing provided, or where the messages given are very negative or cruel. The "bucket" might never be filled or might even develop a "leak" to the extent that the child might never have the feeling of being good enough or loved. Moreover, with a "leaky bucket" any positives would be so much harder to hold on to as they just leak away. I wonder of for some people, the need to eat, is the only way they have of trying to fill their 'love buckets'.
Thinking about comfort eating in this way, helps some people understand why they behave in the way they do. For some people, it can help reduce the shame they feel. And, significantly, it offers an opportunity to think of more helpful and healthy ways of being able to 'fill their bucket'.
Thinking back to my own food related childhood memories and one that reminds me in particular of my Father is a recipe he had for Sunday night tea time which you might like to try.It was the worst night of the week as school was the next day, but the best night of the week because we were all together as a family.
I don't know where he got the recipe, or if he made it up himself. This was way before the time Pizza was really eaten in the UK( 1960's). Dad used to disappear into the kitchen for about half an hour and come back with a plate full of CHEESE PLING PLONG on toast which got eaten within minutes.I will give you the ingredients, but as the name suggests, it is very much a case of mixing in what you have according to taste.In those days the shops didn't have exotic things like green peppers or salami, but I am sure had they been in the shops then, Dad would have put them in too.
CHEESE PLING PLONG
100G/ 50Z grated cheese. ( you could even try with a mixture of cheeses)
2 hard boiled eggs chopped up finely
1 onion chopped finely
2 chopped tomatoes
about 1 tablespoon of ketchup ( Dad used to use Brown sauce but tomato will do. However, you might need to add some Worcestershire sauce or even soy sauce if this is the case)
lots of pepper
4 Slices of bread
Combine all the ingredients until they form a thick but spreadable paste. Toast one side of the bread. On the untoasted side, spread the pling plong and then grill until the cheese bubbles and the onions start to caramelise. Simple, delicious and so much easier than going to order a pizza! I like to eat mine slightly well done( some people would say burnt) and it is equally good eaten cold, as a filling in Jacket potatoes, the list is endless.
Is there to be an August Blog ?
ReplyDeleteLoved the Cheese pling plong