Disappearing Me

I think I may have mentioned a bit about the idea of comfort cooking and comfort eating and how food can often be a way in which we have internalised early life care and nurture. For me and I suspect many others too, it is also a highly symbolic way of demonstrating love to others. If I am honest, I find it far easier to show how much I love someone by offering them something good to eat, than by telling them in words. Therefore anyone who has  ever shared a meal  in my home, or been eaten food that has been prepared  by me, be aware that that is what it meant! I am conscious that whatever I make is open to criticism and not everyone likes to eat the things I like to make.However,  if I am being really honest, it can often feel like  rejection, almost as if it is me they are saying that they dislike.  I am also aware that when I discover someone shares the same taste in food I do, I feel a real connection. It's mad, but true! I am sure that most people...

Do you sometimes find you have days when the thought of cooking is a real drudge? I have to admit to having felt this way these past few days. It's just as well that the freezer is filled with stuff made on days when I am keen. I think perhaps this happens when cooking for pleasure or fun becomes cooking under pressure. When I think about this a bit more, I suspect the pressure I am talking about is entirely self made and can be compared to performance anxiety. This weekend we had friends over for a meal. It's a fairly long running arrangement in which over the course of a year, each couple takes it in turn to cook a meal. It started out that the meals were 'themed' dinners where the cooking was shared; the hosts choosing the 'theme' and preparing the main course and the others cooking the canapes,  first course and pudding. However, what happened then was that we ended eating enormous meals and collectively falling asleep at the table. We started with the us...

Okay so you might have noticed that I have changed my name fro Mindful cook to CBT cook.  I hadn't realised how many mindful cooks there are in the world  and I want to make sure I don't get mixed up with someone else.  My background in therapy has introduced me to the world of Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy and so whilst I am not sitting round meditating all day, I have begun to take much more notice of  and real pleasure in the 'here and now'. Certainly cooking and baking in particular is something I have discovered enables me to tune in to the moment and tune out worries. Cooking creates so many sensual experiences; smell, touch, sound( have you ever listened to a cake baking?) and of course taste, that it is hard not to become totally engrossed. I wonder if like me, the days seemed much longer when you were little? The reason for this, experts suggest is that as young children we are very often experiencing new things and so totally focussed and engross...

Mondays should take on a new meaning when you don't have to go out to work, but strangely enough, I still find myself getting up when the alarm goes off at 5.45! There is however, less urgency in the morning routine and a sort of smug satisfaction in knowing I have the day ahead to do pretty much as I please. Strictly speaking it's not true as this morning I had to view some DVD's I made with a view to editing them before publication. I have made some training DVD's before, but this time I am working with a client who is struggling to manage her  unhealthy relationship with food. It was really interesting watching three hours worth of recordings that were made several years ago. I was struck by how much younger I looked. I know- it's vain- but all I can say is that the past five years must have been tough! The client's main problem with food was that she found it very hard to give herself good, healthy food or take the time and trouble to prepare good food ...

The Pie turned out okay and saw us through the weekend.  I  used turkey and pork sausage meat as a filling, but think I'd be better using chicken next time as the turkey seemed to be be a little bit tougher than I would have wanted. Nevertheless, it was good with a simple salad and some pickle, and allowed us to concentrate on the tennis. You might be wondering about the name 'queensquitter'. There is a bit of a story attached to this actually. I had a dream in 1975 about a house. I can still picture the layout- lots of glass and exposed brickwork set around a courtyard filled with plants and a pool. Even though I have never lived in anything remotely resembling this or am likely to, I had a sense that this was 'my' house.  The house was called Queensquitter. I have used this name whenever I have written anything mainly because when looking for a title online, it is fairly unique! I am not sure whether queensquitter means anything or is particularly signific...

I thought you might want to see a picture of the banana bread I made yesterday. I had a piece just now and would highly recommend it with a cup of good coffee. It's raining again and I don't know about you, but rain always makes me want to cook........... We had a street party for the Queen's jubilee in June. I made a raised chicken pie for the occasion.  This pie was, in short, a triumph. I have always been a bit shy when it comes to pastry making. I think my early experiences of making pastry by hand sort of put me off. The results tended to be somewhat leaden and never quite the same as 'real' pastry. My Granny used to make pies with pasty that was  crumbly and rich and, when eaten seemed to literally melt in the  mouth. I suspect the reason for their deliciousness was that they were full of lard, but that was in the days when fat wasn't considered bad for you and the best  sandwich in the world was white bread spread thickly with golden syrup. So m...

Just though I'd show you yesterday's supper which was my take on  minestrone. It turned out alright and as I made plenty, will be sufficient for tonight too!

I've just got back from my day job in the hospital where I work with people who are struggling to lose weight. Something that comes up time and time again in my sessions with patients is the link between food and strong emotions. It seems that using food as a form of comfort-" comfort eating"- is very common and over the years I have started to look at possible reasons for this. Because when you think about someone who is overweight and trying desperately to lose weight, you would think that eating sweet, rich and sugary food would be the least comforting thing they would choose to do. However, when I think back to my childhood and the real sense of pleasure I felt coming through the kitchen door to be greeted by the smell of a freshly baked cake, or the delight I now have at being able to produce something delicious for people I love, I begin to understand how food can often be  the symbolic way of offering and receiving love. Perhaps for some people it is the ONLY wa...